My Mother is a Disgrace!
Most mothers and daughters have disagreements; some disagreements are so major they lead to physical fights; some are just “in your face.”
On February 20, 2013, I was passing by the TV screen and noticed, “The Bill Cunningham Show.” His show topic was, “My mother is a disgrace.” Of course that caught my eye so I planted myself in a seat to watch and learn. It was shocking to see mothers and daughters go at each other like cats and dogs. Brandy and I have had our differences but never that! With each mother-daughter interview, my heart rate increased. Take a look: My Mother is a Disgrace. Those mothers and daughters are hurting! Each has a lot to say, but no one is listening, and their wounds are deep. Yet, underneath all the yelling, cussing and finger pointing, there is love and a desire to want a relationship.
The mother-daughter dyad and the toxic relationship between the two are not new. The mother-daughter relationship is complex and diverse - sort of like a dare devil roller coaster. Who’s responsible for the breakdown between mothers and daughters? Does it matter?
For me, I didn’t have such an experience with my mother because back in the day, we were seen and not heard. Back in the day, we weren’t vocal, like in our mother’s face. We might have talked but, as they say, under our breath – never in the face – NEVER! Ooh, just the thought of that gives me chills! Mothers back then didn’t play that and, trust me, I would have never tried it. Instead, my relationship with my mother was a “go along.” I went along with everything my mother said because most of the time, my mother was on my side. I had a strict father and couldn’t afford to go against mom. She interceded for me. I did have issues! Things were different for my daughter (that’s coming soon).
Anyway, after watching the show, I had a deep desire to put an end to toxic relationships between mothers and daughters. I believe the relationship between a mother and her daughter is far too important to the family foundation. To continue the cycle of discord from generation to generation is a foundational flaw that will cause the family structure to be dysfunctional. I want to find solutions! Most mothers settle and wait for their daughter to become an adult hoping that all things will have passed away. The problem still exists.
A couple of days later, I decided to start a group on Facebook called, “MY MOTHER MY DAUGHTER.” I invited other mothers and daughters to join. We could share our experiences as either a mother or daughter or both. Starting “My Mother My Daughter” was the best thing that could happen to me! Meeting other mothers and daughters and sharing information and similar experiences is the beginning for many of us to resolve our issues as mothers and daughters. You see, this toxic mother-daughter dyad doesn’t have to be. For so long now, it has been acknowledged, talked about and sort of excused and swept under the carpet because everyone says, “it’ll pass.” The truth is, the core issues of a dysfunctional relationship will remain until the problem has been identified, recognized and worked on. Until then we’re fooling ourselves.